Counting
by FangedLovers
Summary: It's getting harder with everything she sees. It wasn't suppose to happen yet. They were suppose to find a solution. SPN cross Haley/Dean Tutor to Huntress


disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or Superantural.

who cried during the Supernatural finale? God knows I did. So here is Haley's thoughts about everything.

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_Tutor to Huntress_

**Counting**

This has been the coldest night. Everything around has been quiet and subtle. It seems to be making the situation worse. But she can only sit there, show no emotion, and try to act strong. She was in this same situation one year ago. One year ago not only did one of her father figures die, her brother did as well. Sam had been stone, cold, dead. There was no questioning it. She sat by Dean's side through it all. She had to be quiet and strong just like that moment.

This time was different.

That person who she had to be there for was now dead. Knowingly in hell. Yet here she was still on earth trying to withstand the presence that she will never feel again. The only one that feels like it is Sam. If she loses Sam too then that's it, she's done, physically and emotionally.

Two days, though. Two days she's had to put her mind somewhere else to help her lose the pain. Her worries are not important at the moment. She's been at Sam's side when need be. Not that she minds it, she takes advantage of being able to be near a Winchester. It wasn't that long ago that she was taking advantage of being in the presence of _him_.

Staying at Bobby's was the best thing to do. They couldn't go back to Tree Hill, because there was too many memories there. Yet everywhere she looked there was something. Sam had taken _his_ necklace. He keeps it under his shirt, closer to his heart. She took his ring and wore it on her ring finger, left hand. She sleeps in _his_ leather jacket just to feel warm. Who knew three things would make a person who they are.

But then there was the impala. It was like _his_ best friend. She swears _he_ talked to the car more than her. If marrying a thing was legal, _he_ would have. Now she wouldn't touch it or go near it. _His_ music, _his_ trash, _his_ weapons...it's all just to much. _His_...god, she couldn't even say _his_ name.

So right now she's driving. She stole a car from Bobby, and he's going to be pissed. She got in the car four hours ago. Mile markers keep going by, but nothing is being recognized. The radio is off, leaving her to her own thoughts. On the seat next to her, her cell phone keeps lighting up and vibrating letting her know someone is calling. Its been the same four people. Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and Lucas. The only voice she wants to hear, can't happen. If she ever wanted to die, it would be now.

God she hated that word. There was only five words she hated, and wished were never made: Die, Death, Hate, Lust, and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but that's a story for another time. _Him_and her spent a whole day when they were teens thinking of the worst words. It was their thing. Now it's only hers. Theirs didn't exist anymore. It's like a really bad dream in slow motion.

Infront of her sat six signs with different roads and exits. Seeing that there was no one behind her, since it was 3 in the morning, she stopped the car. She sat there looking at the green signs. They were all the same shape and all the same color, but they all lead her to different paths. She looked down at the ring on her hand and closed her eyes. She knew what she needed to do, just doing it was going to be hard.

She pressed down on the gas pedal and took the exit. She knew she was going to regret this later, but it needed to be done. Seven people vowed to be with each other forever. And she knew where she could find five of them. And one inparticular. As she saw the sign for Tree Hill, she knew she wasn't in control of her actions anymore. She felt as if _he_ was the one taking her place, taking over her mind and body.

Eight streets. There were eight streets before she got to their house. She never realized she counted the streets to get there. As she passed Tric, Karen's Cafe/Hoes over Bros, the record store, and the high school she was swept with emotions. Her eyes began to glisten, but she told herself nothing would come out. She hasn't cried yet. She feels it will make her stronger or break her faster. Either or she will break down somehow.

She pulled her car into the driveway. She looked over the big house, never expecting the two to move into something this massive. There were nine windows, with all their curtain's closed. Well except for living room window. She got out of the car and closed it as quiet as she could. As she walked up the walkway, she noticed the seen inside. There was her and _his_ best friend pacing back and forth, a phone in each hand. She felt horrible making him feel this way. She slowly walked up the steps and softly knocked on the door.

Light spread out into the yard when the door opened. Both phone's dropped to the ground and were forgotten about. She looked over him. He looked tired as hell, and it was all her fault. She made him worried. She was the reason there were dark circles under his eyes, and that he was still awake at this hour. But she didn't have time to think about that. All she could think of was the warmth of him as he brought her into a hug. She hadn't felt warmth like this in...well now three days.

"Where have you been?" He asks bringing her into the house and closing the door.

"Driving." She says, her voice hoarse.

He walks them over to the couch and sits them down. She won't look him in the eye again afraid she will break down. "Why didn't you answer anyone? Bobby and Sam are worried sick."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anyone worried. I just needed to get away." She whispers and plays with the ring.

Lucas notices this and can't help but frown. His best friend is dead. This wasn't suppose to happen. They were suppose to spend more of life together. Now it's over. But he did his crying, now he had to take care of the girl who has become his sister.

"Haley..." He whispered and placed a hand on top of her's. "Look at me." She shook her head and sighed. "Hales, look at me."

She finally lifted her head and fought the tears in her eyes by trying to change the topic. "Where's Brooke?"

He shook his head and answered her. "She went to bed about two hours ago. We've been scared."

"How's my godson?"

"Riley's been missing his godmother." Lucas smiled at the thought of his two years old son.

"I've missed that kid." She smiled a little.

"Haley...seriously where have you been?"

"Ten places I never want to be again." She answered him with all the emotions she's been feeling.

"What?"

"I'm falling apart." A tear fell down her cheek. "Everything around me is crumbling down and...and I can't stop it."

She started to sob uncontrollably. Lucas brought her into his arms and held her. He knew her. She would never fall into someone's arms to get help, she would always help herself. He knew she had officially lost it. So he did the only thing he knew would help. He held her close and let her cry.

"I miss him so much." She choked out.

"I know sweety, I know." He kissed her head.

Finally in those few short moments she felt somewhat safe again. In those few short moments she realized how much _he_ was to her. How much _his_ name should be said.

Dean.

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